Walking Las Cruces

Journal Entry August 1999 (Written while sitting on our front porch in New Mexico)
This morning the rain falls, it has been since about 4:00 a.m. I’ve been up since then. The quiet morning hours are a peaceful wonderful way to start the day. I should do that more often. I love my dear husband. Sometimes we are as fire and ice. Hot tempered and stubborn and too sensitive, (me more the latter). Never the less, he is the love of my life. I must try harder to keep my home beautiful. ~I miss my children when I spend the day cleaning. But alas, there is much work to do; Spiritual, physical and emotional. It is an exhausting job. We have a nice home – a nice life- a hard life, but nice none the less.

Walking Las Cruces

Nearly every night, you and I, hand in hand, would walk our Las Cruces Neighborhood. The neighborhood was set above the city and we would walk the hills surrounded by million dollar homes and watch the beautiful sun set in the beauty of the desert. The Dona Ana mountains in the background lit up in colors of purple, orange, yellow, and blue. We were often walking for 2 hours, loving the view, the cool night air, and each other too much to turn back so soon.

City of Rocks

Camping at City of Rocks was a blast. I remember our first time there. We decided to make the 2 hour drive out there with the children just to check it out. We brought a small snack lunch which consisted of sandwiches, fruit and cookies. By the time we got there we were all very hungry. I suggested that you take the children exploring, and I would set the food out for a small picnic lunch. You left and I set the food out on the picnic table. I wondered where all of you went off to and stepped away from the table to look over and around a mound of rocks. I saw you and waved, indicating the food was ready. When I returned to the table, well, I can’t explain it, but somehow in the 30 seconds or so that I had my back turned from the table, all our food disappeared. I got back to the table just in time to catch a squirrel with his hand reaching deeply inside a Tupperware container filled with our cookies. I scared him away and replaced the lid, with bite marks in tact. You and the children returned, all very hungry and excited to eat. I told the family all we had were the cookies. You had that look of confusion on your face. You know, the one you get when you just don’t understand my thinking. Then you cocked your head to the side, shrugged your shoulders and grabbed a cookie. How horrible of me to keep the secret of the thieving squirrels. I was too embarrassed to admit I had been duped by several small 4 legged creatures.

We all fell in love with City of Rocks, and would return many times to camp, hike, climb and listen for coyotes and owls and “owls” in the still of the desert night.

Cub Scouts Together

I just thought we made a great team! I loved working with you and with those boys. We would study the theme for the month and check out all the ideas in the hundred or so idea books we had. We’d get a vision of some wonderful thing to do for the boys, and then we’d work hard to make it come true. All the boys advanced well, and hey, it was just fun. Some of my favorite cub memories are:
The Bear Claw (our soap box derby car, which won over about 23 other cars)
Hunting down the Dinosaur tracks
Jousting Tournaments with plungers and rocking disks that you made.
Space Derby (You successfully made a great track)
Hiking “A” mountain
Helping the boys make treasure boxes/stools
I deeply admired your genuine love for the boys and dedication to your calling as their leader. It was a privilege for me to work with you, by your side, seemingly completely united for a good cause.

Walking the Neighborhood

Our West Jordan neighborhood was awesome, or rather YOU were awesome in our West Jordan neighborhood. It was so pleasurable to walk around the neighborhood, hand in hand almost every night. We enjoyed looking at everyone’s flower gardens and often we’d see our friends and neighbors out walking or gardening. You would happily greet them and sweetly extend a hand of friendship. It was during these walks that I was actually the quiet, shy, non-conversationalist while you, on the other hand were very engaging and happily social. It was kind of nice to take the back seat for a while.

Buying Me Roses

We both saw it: The glow around our soon-to-be home. We saw the for sale sign, parked our car and walked around the corner into the cul-de-sac. Upon first sight we both somehow knew that was to be our home, our very first home after years of living in family student housing. As we walked closer we noticed the large beautiful windows with lace curtains showing through, the soft grey and white colors of the exterior, and the inviting walkway leading up to the door. But the sweetest sight was that gentle splash of pink jumping out toward us from the rose bush at the corner of the garage. It was such a happy little rose bush, so full of pink flowers that it resembled more a bouquet. A few months later we closed on the house and that rose bush was “ours” but somehow you knew my heart. Many people express their love and devotion through flowers. A lai, bouquet, a corsage, you expressed your love and devotion through a rose bush, attached to a big and beautiful home. “I bought you roses.” You remarked with a grin. “Yes you did” I responded, fully understanding the sweet sacrifice you make for me, your wife, and for your little family.

Singing to the Children at Bed Time

You and I sang almost every night to our children. It started with Lisa then came Rebekah and Daniel and Amber and Hannah. From 20 minutes to 90 minutes we would sing them all to sleep every night. We sang mostly the songs from the Primary Children’s Songbook, but also included some of the classics such as “Rock a Bye Baby”. Of course we had to change the words so they weren’t so tragic. But one of our favorite was “Loo, Loo Loo, Little Baby”

Loo, Loo, Loo, little baby,
Close your eyes.
Loo, Loo, Loo, Little Baby
Dream of Paradise.
Mother is here with you,
Father is close by too,
Loo, Loo, Loo, little baby,
Close your eyes.

(We would often substitute the names of our children for the word “baby”)

The traditional nighttime singing slowly faded away as the children stopped going to bed all at the same time and in the same place, but occasionally as I walk by Michelle and Sarah’s room, I hear the lovely tones of your voice and peak in to see you singing “Father is here with you, Mother is close by too. . .” to our youngest little princesses.

Slumber Seranade

In the old days, I would go to bed before you. Can you even imagine that now? I would promptly announce “I’m going to bed now.” And then I would retreat to the bedroom. Then, one day,to my surprise, you said that you wish I would not be so abrupt in announcing my intentions, and instead sweetly invite you to join me as I head to bed. So, to accommodate your tender desires, I composed the following poem and would recite it to you as I gently took your hand in an attempt to invite you to join me in my slumber.

Dearest one,
I yearn to lie in yonder bed
With the one whom I have wed
Where we may rest in slumber sweet
And with the dawn, the sun to greet.

Mother's Day Tribute

Mother’s Day tribute
At our Married Student Ward in BYU Family Housing the Relief Society would spotlight a sister from the ward with a tribute written by her husband. You were asked to write a tribute for me which would be read on Mother’s Day. In spite of your very busy schedule of work and school, and your apprehension at writing anything, you took great time and effort to write a beautiful tribute to me. To this day I long to live up to your kind words.

Marshall’s Mother’s Day Tribute, written by him, May 1989

She is shy, yet has managed to bless nearly everyone in the quad in one way or another. She generously gives of her time and talents to neighbor and family. Her house is always clean and for the two years of her marriage she has provided three delicious meals a day.
Besides cooking, she enjoys the Performing Arts, softball and volleyball. She is a strong hiker and has conquered challenging summits even while pregnant. She plays the piano and guitar, has written a play and in her early teens, wrote inspired music and lyrics. As a freshman, she defeated her entire school in an impromptu speech competition. Being very meticulous and reliable in her youth she was offered up t o $11.00 an hour to clean the homes of others. Exerting little effort she graduated from high school with high honors and then attended Ricks College for two years.
Her patriarchal blessing states that there will be many men who would come to seek her hand in marriage. At the time of our engagement announcement I know of at least 4 men who had their plant failed -one with drooping jaws and an open mouth and another who threatened to fight for her hand.
She has held many positions of leadership in the church including each position in the Relief Society Presidency. She is now the mother of two children and desires to enhance her life further with 3-6 more. She has won the praise of parents and her husband and is very much loved. “Happy Mother’s Day, Laura. Thanks for making the words of the following song blessings of our home.” From Your Loving Husband, Marshall:

Love at Home
There is beauty all around, when there’s love at home;
There is joy in every sound, When there’s love at home
Peace and plenty here abide, Smiling sweet on every side,
Time doth softly, sweetly glide, When there’s love at home.

Eating Popsicles in the Sprinkler

Peace, quiet, warm and cool. There was you, lying in the soft, rich green grass, propped up on your elbow and me sitting close by with your head gently nudging my leg. And there was the endless sky above with countless stars shining through the vastness of space. It seemed if the entire universe surrounded just you and I as we sat eating our popsicles those hot summer nights. Our little ones were fast asleep in our apartment with their window open offering some relief from the heat of the day. We sat in the field behind our apartment, close enough so we could hear our children’s cries if they needed us, but far enough away that it felt as if there was no one else in all the world except for you and I. We heard quite often how couples needed time together, a date night, a movie, a dinner, a dance. All we needed was a Popsicle and a clear summer night sky. We sat there sometimes in deep conversation about our day, and our thoughts of our future, sometimes in silence and wonder at the magic of the moment. Those were my all-time favorite dates. Thank-you for sharing that time with me. It meant so much to me and it still means so much to me. Oh, and yes, the sprinklers did turn on once, soaking us during our revelry.

Walking The Garden

One of my favorite things to do with you during those early years was walking with you to our little garden. Everything seemed to quiet down as we performed this nearly nightly ritual. We would put Lisa into her stroller and leave our apartment, your studies, my housework and most of our busy lives behind, and walk ever so slowly to our garden. Slowly, because we wanted to savor every minute of the cool evening air and the beautiful orange and purple sunsets. I remember walking past each of the little gardens, noticing how one neighbor’s corn was growing well, and another neighbor’s weeds had taken over. With so much anticipation I walked, wondering, “Did our garden survive the night? Are the weeds under control? Are things growing? And Did anyone take that cucumber I am looking forward to eating?” We’d get up to our garden and just stand there staring. We’d notice that the little irrigation ditches you put in to make sure everything was getting water were seemingly quite effective. The plants were rich in color and producing well. The pests seemed to be staying away, and amazingly no one had raided our little vegetables. I can still smell the fresh air of those evenings. I can still hear the calming quiet of a field of gardens. I can still feel the warmth of your hand as it gently grabs hold of mine signaling, “I guess we’d better be getting back,” as we would slowly turn, and tear ourselves from our little garden, and head back to our busy life.

Pregnant and Runnind Up the Stairs

“Strong and healthy.” That was how you described me. I was 8 months pregnant and, because we were living in “Married Student Housing” there were many women in our ward who were in various stages of pregnancy. You were watching several of them as they waddled up and down the stairs to help with various aspects of a meeting we were attending. Then it was my turn to help. I, not wanting to waste any time, quickly stood and briskly walked to the stairs and gleefully trotted up them, did my thing, then trotted down back to your side. You smiled, nodded your head and said something like “I see all these other women walking like they are in so much pain and discomfort. And then I see you just hop up there like everything is wonderful. You look so strong and healthy.” A light was shining from your direction. It was the pregnancy glow, not mine, but yours, there on your face, you had a “pregnancy glow”. It was beautiful!

Rescuing Me From the Pit Bull

The title says it all. You and I had been married for about 7 months and we went on a long hike (about 12 miles). Half of the hike was cross country through the small canyon just north of Squaw Peak. That was a blast climbing down the rocks. I remember seeing the tops of the long, narrow pine trees right in front of us, then we’d scramble down the face of a small “cliff” and we’d be at the bottom of the pine trees that we just saw the top of. We came out of the canyon just above Foothill drive. We walked along the mountain and a new development for a little ways when we passed a house which had a viciously barking dog in the garage. We couldn’t see him but he sounded like a mad dog, out to kill someone. We both were grateful that there was a big garage door between us and that killer-dog. Suddenly, an odd looking old woman crept out of the front door, somewhat hunched over. She had a strange look in her eyes as she glanced our way. Slowly she shuffled over to the garage, and to our horror she opened the door. Out came barreling that dog, a large pit bull, straight toward us. We were about ½ of a block away, and it was making ground quickly. I stared at the lady in shock and she just stared back in such a cold, almost evil way. The dog continued charging toward us and you said to me, “Just keep on walking, and don’t look back. Don’t run, but walk quickly and no matter what you hear, don’t look back.” My heart froze and the hair all over my body stood on end and I blankly turned around and started walking away from you and away from that dog. Soon I heard a young voice screaming. I glanced back and saw a young teen-age girl calling, yelling to the dog to come home. She seemed as frightened as us but she kept screaming and screaming to the dog to come home. Finally, about 30 feet from you the dog slowed his pace, snarled at us and seemed to tear himself away from the chase. Once he was safely locked away in the garage again, you caught up to me. I asked you what you would have done had the dog not stopped. You said you would have done the only thing that would stop a dog like that. You would have forced your fist and arm as far down the dogs mouth as you could and try to break his neck. Tears came to my eyes, as they are coming now, as I realized just what you would be willing to sacrifice for me, and for our little one who would be born 4 months later. You are brave, and honorable, my White Knight.

Hiking Squaw Peak in the Lightning Storm

Do you remember that storm? Lightning was flashing all around us. Ninety or so strikes every minute. We were on the top of Squaw Peak, and the lightning strikes were within 20 feet of us. I could not believe what I was seeing. The static in the air was so intence, it felt as if it would lift me off the ground. We wanted to run as fast as we could down the mountain, but that would mean being out in the meadow, and it just didn't seem right, us running through an open meadow during such a fierce storm. We wanted to hide under the largest tree we could find. (There aren’t many large trees up there) But we knew that the large items would more likely get hit. So we cuddled under a scrub oak, your arm around me. We planted our feet firmly in the ground and huddled into a ball and waited out the storm. On the outside, it was dark, dangerous and scary. On the inside I was so happy to have my buddy there with me experiencing the magic of nature on the top of a mountain.

Turkey Sandwich When I was Sick

After about 8 months of marriage, one of us was bound to get sick, and I was the first. I was about 4 months pregnant, and had the flu, so, I was quite exhausted. I remember the look on your face. You were concerned. You wanted to help. You kept asking me if I wanted something, anything. I lay there in bed, really not wanting anything, but you looked at me with “puppy-dog eyes” and practically begged me to let you do something. I said, “Well, I guess I would like a turkey sandwich. (insert dramatic pause) a roasted turkey sandwich.” You asked me to explain and I said, “Make the sandwich with 2 slices of bread, a piece of turkey on one side and a piece of Swiss cheese on the other side, then you stick them in the broiler for just a minute and then you bring it to me.” Not too complicated, right? You had never cooked anything for me before that time, so I felt a bit spoiled and anxiously waited. I started getting worried when it took longer than I thought it should. Finally, after about 30 minutes, you brought me my lunch. NO KIDDING, NO EXAGGERATION: It was black, burnt to a charcoal on both halves. Your puppy-dog eyes explained that you tried. That was more than 20 years ago, and I don’t think you have ever cooked a thing for me since. (We both prefer it that way)

First Argument

We were poor, new to BYU student housing, and our car had broken down. But, no problem, we had our bikes. So we donned on our back packs, you with your big Army back pack and me with a smaller day pack and we rode off to the nearest grocery store. There we bought the basic essentials and made sure we had enough money left over for one special treat. We decided we would splurge on a carton of ice cream. The entire ride to the store I kept imagining the cool refreshing comforting chocolate ice-cream we would be buying. Maybe it would be Rocky Road, or Burnt Almond Fudge. How about Chocolate Chip Mint. Yummy. All our shopping was done, and all that was left was selecting which kind of ice cream we would get. I saw the smile on your face. It matched mine as we looked in the freezer. “Well, should we get Rocky Road? OR Chocolate chip mint?” I asked. You scrunched up you nose. “Rocky Road? I was thinking Vanilla.” “Vanilla” I replied in shock. No one actually ate vanilla ice cream did they? I knew you would take my side, because I was your wife and you loved me and you wanted me to be happy so I was sure that explaining to you that I only like chocolate ice cream would bring to pass the obvious choice without further discussion. You replied “I don’t like chocolate.” We were at an impasse. Suddenly I realized that my happiness wasn’t the only one that mattered in our relationship. I still remember thinking: “First Argument-ice cream”

First FHE

It amazes me that we had the where-with-all to have Family Home Evenings right from the start. Just you and I. I get so thrilled when I read the notes I took (as acting secretary) of the discussions we had. Those first FHEs were a time for us to acknowledge our goals and our desires for our life together, for our family, together. Together we shared our dreams and our ideals of who we wanted to be.

First Apartment

First Apartment
Thank you, Marshall. Your sweetness in making a great effort to find, and pay for such a fine place for us to start out our lives together meant a lot to me. I loved standing on the balcony and looking into the trees of Fort Lewis, knowing you were there, hard at work. I loved having a “slumber party” by the fireplace. And I loved cooking our first meals in that sweet little kitchen. I always laugh when I think of the glass pie plate that I cleverly used as a frying pan exploding, flying hot glass everywhere. But the funniest memory is when you took all of my clothes and all of the towels out of the bathroom while I was showering, forcing me to make due with a single washcloth to preserve my modesty as I ran through the apartment in search of my robe.

First Kiss

Journal Entry January 22 1987: I am excited for the opportunity of being a mother some day. The world is so tough, and I know that so many of the children who are coming to earth are going to go through some hard times. I know that Marshall and I will have a good home with the gospel as its core. I feel so honored to know that I have the responsibility of nurturing His children in Righteousness. I I pray that as a mother I will always listen to the spirit. I am so excited!

The anticipation of the first kiss would cause my heart to skip a beat, partly for nervousness and partly for excitement. When would it happen? How would it happen? Would it ever happen? We had already been engaged for about 5 weeks, and kissing was yet to take its place. I wondered: Would it be in the car? A good night at the door? Would you just grab me and place one on me? Or would you move in slowly and would I need to cock my head to one side or the other? How would I know which side? I mean if I went left and you went right, well, that could be confusing. Were you as nervous about it as I was? Or would you maintain your calm persona and act like Humphrey Bogart? We were sitting on the floor of the playroom in the Gleed home, where I was employed as a Nanny. I remember thinking how ironic it was that you and I, about to enter into a serious, grown-up commitment like marriage, were sitting together, laughing on the floor of a “Playroom” We were sitting side by side, only in opposite directions so that my legs, sprawled out in front of me, were in the opposite direction of yours, which were sprawled out in front of you, yet behind me. We were just talking, and laughing and I turned my head to glance at you, ready to say something brilliant, and suddenly, unexpectedly, you leaned forward and gently, quickly, softly, pressed your lips against mine. It was a magical moment. All the world fell silent, my heart stopped beating, I looked into your eyes and raising my eyebrows in wonder quietly said “You’re pretty brave”. Your classic response will be cherished forever: “I can be braver.” A few days later, came kiss number two and yes, you were braver.

First Hug (At The Airport)

Journal Entry December 8, 1986: Marshall and I are engaged. I am so happy. I know he loves me. When we said good-bye tonight he said in such a beautiful and loving way, “I have so much to be thankful for.”

It is funny now, looking back, to see how slowly and timidly the physical contact between us developed. We had been engaged for nearly 4 weeks. You asked me to marry you, I said yes, and a few days later you were off to Jackson, Michigan for 3 weeks of leave from the Army. We barely knew each other, we only went on maybe 3 dates, we never held hands, or cuddled, or even brushed up against each other. I didn’t miss your warm embrace, your gentle caresses, your sweet snuggles, because we never had those things in the first place. I was basically just bored while you were gone during those weeks because I couldn’t date anyone else, and I was pretty sure you didn’t really miss me either. So what was I to do? Should I go running up to you, tears streaming down my face and jump into your arms where we would express our undying love and terrible pain at being apart for those few weeks? No, we would not do that. I would just smile, and sweetly say “Welcome Home.” I had on my best casual clothes, and spent extra time on my hair and make-up. (First impressions for a second time) I stood tall and as confident, (ok, “proud”) as I could and proceeded to walk to the airport gate. It was late at night. The lights in the airport were dim because it was so late. There were no other people in the great hallway I was walking down and my steps echoed on the walls and off the ceiling. Then I saw you. Your plane was a little early and you were coming to meet me. My heart stopped. “Will he love me still?” I wondered. I slowed my step and tried to read your thoughts and calm my heart. “Just calmly walk up and say, ‘welcome home’” I kept telling myself. You smiled, your perfect teeth shining through your gently curved lips. Your eyes softened, your shoulders, always up tight and straight suddenly relaxed and you cocked your head to one side. We walked toward each other, just silently looking at each other. I thought “My, how handsome he is.” I walked up next to you and without a word you placed your arm around me, you hugged me and held me, and warmed me through, deep into my soul. You were home, with me. I was where I wanted to be, and that was with you, my friend, my soul-mate, my Marshall. “Welcome Home” I softly whispered, and you just smiled, and we walked arm in arm down that long, quiet hallway in a silent embrace.

Jackson Map (First Love)

Journal Entry November 18, 1986: I may be needing to get a new job-which would mean “leaving” Tacoma, and Marshall. I always thought I shouldn’t plan my life around a guy unless it was for marriage, but Marshall hasn’t asked me-so there are no guarantees except for what I felt in prayer that one night. Tonight I felt so concerned, so confused and a bit depressed. I got on my knees and poured out my heart, fears and worries in prayer. And then, for just a second or so, I felt this wonderful assurance that yes, indeed I needed to act with assurance with faith on the answered I received to my previous prayers. I just felt so much love from my Heavenly Father. Then the feeling was gone. I know that I must act on faith. . .

Our second date. We were in your little grey Chirico car and you were trying to describe your home town to me. You said something of lakes, and parks and showed me the Michigan Mitten on your hand. I was not really “seeing” what you were trying to describe so you pulled over the car and opened your glove box. You pulled out several maps, and found the one you wanted. You carefully unfolded your map and said, “See? Here is Detroit, and here is Lansing, and right here is Jackson. This little blue spot here is Vandercook Lake and my house would be riiiiiight here.” You pointed to something. I looked at your map, and I looked at your finger, and my heart dropped. I felt empty and alone. Suddenly, you were a thousand miles away at a place I have never been to, a place that was such a huge part of your life, and yet I was not a part of that place. You were not a part of me. I was not a part of you. I was just a small moment in a big life and this moment would pass, your life would pass, possibly without me in it. Me. Just a passing memory. I knew then that I was falling in love.